Greener with the Scenery.

I remembered The Used. I remembered the summer of '02 and how good that was. Mostly because I was naive. Then I remembered how I was.
Un-faltered.
The largest set back I ever had to deal with was breaking up with my boyfriend. Whoopdy do.
Other than that, I had the mindset that I could take on anything, and DO anything, and do it well.
Not because I was a headstrong perfectionist.. only because I didn't know anything else.
I did it well without trying. Every time.
I should give not trying another shot.


2007, you killed me.
I'd like to think that one year of... healing time?... Should have been plenty of time. Correct?
Or, for a person who lived 23 years with only small dents on their outer shell, should it take a little longer to get back on your feet after being completely smashed to bits and pieces by what felt like meteors?


Seems those meteors were life's true realities. You can't always get what you want, you're not always as safe as you'd like to think, and people aren't always who you try to perceive them to be.
And to each of these realities comes clarity.

It's not necessarily a negative, seeing things clearly for the first time. But it's not easy to finally understand that those rose colored glasses were really clouding your vision. And it's not easy knowing that you're walking a straight line and doing things right by means of yourself when you're so used to doing it wrong for thrills.
It's not easy saying enough is enough. It's not easy saying maybe that really wasn't for me. It's not easy knowing that not everyone can see you and your capabilities the way you know yourself and your capabilties.
It's not easy saying "Yes I was wrong and I'm sorry," to people that you know won't forgive you.
It's not easy letting go of the things that you were so used to.
It's not easy seeing the people you love the most, not love each other or themselves, at all.
It's not easy knowing that my left knee will never be the same.
I can hear that voice in the back of my head, "No one said it was easy."
I was just kind of hoping that it would be.


Seems I watched things break. And I realized that this is the truth behind everything that I fogged over with a blanket of sugary idealism. I finally stood up for myself. I finally spoke up when asked what I wanted. I exposed my insides. I had to be a rock for the people that I truthfully thought were the strongest people I knew. I finally lost.
Never ready to take off those glasses.




Real life, the ground is so much harder when you fall. But the colors are so much prettier. Keep your balance.