And finally,

Wow. During Christmas present extravaganza, I stopped into the liquor store to grab .... someone.... a bottle of wine. After my purchase the cashier asked me if I had tried the Canton ginger liquor.
Nope.
"It's mixed with apple cider."
I'm there.

I've had my run ins with ginger brandy a few times. Typically it starts off classy, in a cup of tea or on the rocks. 99% of the time it ends up being drank straight out of the bottle. Always a good time until the next morning.
Regardless, I'm partial to ginger. Though the sample was teeny tiny, it was amazing. It's made up of "baby ginger and VSOP Cognac."
If you've ever eaten a piece of ginger, this is what you taste. It's sweeter and completely delicious.
I grabbed one of the 5 remaining bottles and the woman beside me took two more.

I wanted two. One to gift, one for myself. I couldn't pick just one person to give it to though... So I got it for myself. ( Number one baby. ha ) And I plan on bringing it to my family's for Christmas. And flasking it to share with friends elsewhere.


If you see this in a store, pick it up. You won't be sorry. Tons of drink concoctions and it would be delicious to cook with. NOT ONLY THAT, but it comes in the prettiest bottle/box with a tiny circular drink recipe "booklet" strung by ribbon around the neck of the bottle. Every designers dream. Oh so tasteful. To the eyes and the tongue.

MGMT

Heavy Heavy, little girl.
But this band, and their videos, are some of the best of their kind. Strange for sure. Pulled straight out of your strangest dreams.
It's mostly just a lot of fun. And drugs.
I love it. It's straight up happy.








And this would be my favorite; Simply can't embed it.

MGMT Electric Feel



If this doesn't work, go to youtube.com. Search "MGMT, Electric Feel"
And go dance somewhere.
I want that moon juice.

Greener with the Scenery.

I remembered The Used. I remembered the summer of '02 and how good that was. Mostly because I was naive. Then I remembered how I was.
Un-faltered.
The largest set back I ever had to deal with was breaking up with my boyfriend. Whoopdy do.
Other than that, I had the mindset that I could take on anything, and DO anything, and do it well.
Not because I was a headstrong perfectionist.. only because I didn't know anything else.
I did it well without trying. Every time.
I should give not trying another shot.


2007, you killed me.
I'd like to think that one year of... healing time?... Should have been plenty of time. Correct?
Or, for a person who lived 23 years with only small dents on their outer shell, should it take a little longer to get back on your feet after being completely smashed to bits and pieces by what felt like meteors?


Seems those meteors were life's true realities. You can't always get what you want, you're not always as safe as you'd like to think, and people aren't always who you try to perceive them to be.
And to each of these realities comes clarity.

It's not necessarily a negative, seeing things clearly for the first time. But it's not easy to finally understand that those rose colored glasses were really clouding your vision. And it's not easy knowing that you're walking a straight line and doing things right by means of yourself when you're so used to doing it wrong for thrills.
It's not easy saying enough is enough. It's not easy saying maybe that really wasn't for me. It's not easy knowing that not everyone can see you and your capabilities the way you know yourself and your capabilties.
It's not easy saying "Yes I was wrong and I'm sorry," to people that you know won't forgive you.
It's not easy letting go of the things that you were so used to.
It's not easy seeing the people you love the most, not love each other or themselves, at all.
It's not easy knowing that my left knee will never be the same.
I can hear that voice in the back of my head, "No one said it was easy."
I was just kind of hoping that it would be.


Seems I watched things break. And I realized that this is the truth behind everything that I fogged over with a blanket of sugary idealism. I finally stood up for myself. I finally spoke up when asked what I wanted. I exposed my insides. I had to be a rock for the people that I truthfully thought were the strongest people I knew. I finally lost.
Never ready to take off those glasses.




Real life, the ground is so much harder when you fall. But the colors are so much prettier. Keep your balance.

Sugar shock.

If the name "Circa Survive" is involved, there's sure to be some type of amazing artwork to go along with it. Never fails.


I walked myself into a gym today. I had the mindset to lower my "real age" by at least 5 years. It smelled like soggy balls and the man that showed me around was enorme. There were dudes breathin heavy with veins popping out of their arms, necks, foreheads, eyeballs.. And chicks in very matchy matchy spandex leggings and tank tops sweating on elipticals. Jam packed into one little room. Not much walking space. Just a lot of sweaty people doing their thing. Enorme told me that he'd waive my $9 joining fee ( whoaaaa ) if I join before the 18th.
It's $18 a month.
A small price to pay for doing something at least KIND OF proper for my body -- considering I will be nowhere near as hardcore as anyone there, in fact, I might as well just go on Tuesday afternoons when the senior citizens do their mild walking exercises...
I need to suck it up and ignore the intensity of the people who are just trying to look hot while sweating.



So while most of the gym reminds me of THIS







I will be thinking of this.




El oh El.
I don't know why this is kinda funny. It's probably not. I've had WAY too much sugar today.
Real food is in order N.O.W.

SAD

Seasonal affective disorder (SAD), also known as winter depression or winter blues, is a mood disorder in which people who have normal mental health throughout most of the year experience depressive symptoms in the winter or, less frequently, in the summer, repeatedly, year after year. The US National Library of Medicine notes that "some people experience a serious mood change when the seasons change. They may sleep too much, have little energy, and crave sweets and starchy foods. They may also feel depressed. Though symptoms can be severe, they usually clear up." The condition in the summer is often referred to as Reverse Seasonal Affective Disorder, and can also include heightened anxiety.
There are many different treatments for classic (winter-based) seasonal affective disorder, including light therapies with bright lights, anti-depression medication, ionized-air administration, cognitive-behavioral therapy, and carefully timed supplementation of the hormone melatonin.

CONTINUE



Well whatever it is, it's a killer. If I could lay outside and stare at the clouds, I would.
Two and a half more months?

Winter Anthem.

The asphalt is leaning on me like a mountain.
The pressure is building and I'm exhausted.
I know you know there is nowhere to go.
Knowing is trying; its not a secret.
I know you know there is nowhere to go.
I'm sleeping in a basement; it's cold and I'm dusty.
The pictures are hanging, they're on my walls like a guillotine.
I know you know there is nowhere.
Laying down here trying to think of nothing,
I know you know there is nowhere to go.

- Pygmy Lush "Asphalt"




I'm exhausted.

The Mattress Factory.

The first time ( the first of TWO times ) I ventured to the Mattress Factory in college I had set in my mind that A) it would be a factory, and B) there would be a mattress or two somewhere.
Wrong.

Turns out it's one of my utmost favorite museum experiences ever. It's installation art, so every few months is a new adventure that you can touch and play with. Unlike the Children's Museum, you don't play with toys and figure out your own art, and it doesn't leave you with a warm fuzzy feeling like you might want to change the world. You leave feeling just a little more anxious than you felt when you arrived and maybe more like you just stepped out of a dream. Anxiety could partially be due to the fact that the location of the place is in the middle of what seems to be the ghetto, but the last exhibit could have a huge part of that as well. It leaves you with a lot of questions about the parts you don't consciously think about in everyday events.

Most is too hard to explain. There are four floors. You can touch nearly everything, and most of the "art" is the art that you make it. The strangest being the dark room. We made way down a dark hallway and up a ramp holding onto a rail, with absolutely no visibility. Soon as it leveled off we could feel two chairs and then realized we were on a balcony of sorts. You knew it was a big room from your echoing voice but there was nothing to see or feel other than the two chairs and the railing that kept you from falling. The plan was to sit. In complete darkness. For fifteen minutes. Initially night vision will start to kick in, but there's nothing to see aside from a faint white glow on the wall. Faint as in.. I wouldn't even consider it a light of any sort. It was not something to focus on. After a few minutes night vision starts to blend with what your mind goes into when your eyes are shut.
Personally, I was freaked.
I kept talking to keep my mind from thinking about zombies and murderers and the possibility of the balcony falling. I heard footsteps coming up the ramp until I knew there was someone standing right beside me.
I let the new visitor know that we were on a small platform with two chairs and that the plan was to sit in the darkness to understand what happens when your eyes are shut.
He responds with;
"Huh.. I thought maybe you were the exhibit cause I heard you talking down the hall. But I guess not. ... Well.... This is really creepy now, so I'm not going to stand here to find out what happens. I hope you're not a ghost. Bye."

I hoped he wasn't a ghost. Or a murderer. Or a zombie, as well. And mostly I was hoping that he wouldn't start feeling around and accidentally grab my face. Hence the chatter.
I was officially weirded out after fifteen minutes of the pitch black timeout.



One floor left after that one. Elevator opens in the basement. Old, stone basement. Smells like mildew and death ( that's so dramatic ). You could hear water dripping and moving a little along with some weird vibration noises. Like a hum that would swell and fade off out of any particular rhythm. There are two red painted speakers hanging from the ceiling by wires that visibly vibrate with the sound.




Down another dark hallway you can feel the coolness of water. If you can't see it, your senses really kick in and you some how know exactly how much water is in a room just by the dampness in the air and the sound of it sitting still around you. Strange how it happens but it does. We walk into the room until we bump into a rope preventing us to walk farther. On the other end of the room is an open doorway with a red light coming from it and reflecting off the water. You can hear the vibrations more loudly. There's nothing but the doorway. And a lot of water.



It was creepy for sure.
But it made you feel comfortable. I just wanted to lay down and stare at it for a while and listen to the weird noise.
That was my Donnie Darko moment.
The museum was closing. I wasn't allowed to stay and think about anything more than "How deep is this water?"



Please follow this link to my most favorite room in the building; FAVORITE

It's so much better when you are there and standing in the middle of the wire vines.


And please follow this link to educate yourself farther on the Mattress Factory MUSEUM; MF


They are able to give much more eloquently written descriptions of what I was experiencing. I just ramble from the middle of my brain and hope that somehow my feelings can be translated by words.


These exhibits are here until January 11th. ANYONE that wants to go should let me know. I am more than willing to hold your hand through the scary parts. And then maybe we can talk about what makes water smell weird afterwards.
It's snowing something wicked right now.
I guess winter is here.
My adventures shall continue.